Campfire Cooking in Another World with My Absurd Skill: Volume 7 Page 3

  Hey, did you just suck back some drool? Given Ruka’s reaction......

  “Should I get this?”

  ＜Yes.＞

  That was quick.

  I’ve gotten it before as a gift for Obon or year’s end, and high grade-ham like this is truly great. It’s the best as a snack with beer when you cube some and cook it lightly before flavoring it with some grainy mustard... Oh crap, I need to move on.

  “Next is Hephaestos and Vahagn, right?”

  ＜Yup! It’s us. You already know what we want, right?＞

  ＜Yeah. Give us that.＞

  ＜＜We want the twelve-year version of the world’s best whisky!＞＞

  Thought so. The twelve-year version should be 1 gold and 2 silver, right? Beyond that, the eighteen-year version jumps upwards in price, and the twenty-five-year was over 100,000 yen, wasn’t it?

  W-Well, compared to that, 1 gold and 2 silver is pretty reasonably priced, I guess.

  “So I should get you a bottle each?”

  ＜Indeed. A bottle each.＞

  ＜Yeah. I really want to take my time tasting this one.＞

  And so, I added two bottles of the twelve-year aged version of the world’s best whisky, made by a Japanese distiller.

  Great. This should do it.

  I once again lined up all the items on cardboard altars.

  “Well then, please take them, everyone.” And with those words, the items on the cardboard altars disappeared.

  Once again, I could hear the gods cheer. And right after............

  ＜What’re you all doing, gathered around like that?＞

  I clearly heard a hoarse old man’s voice.

  ＜NWHOA!＞

  ＜Whoa!＞

  ＜Kyah!＞

  ＜Ah!＞

  ＜GUOH!＞

  ＜Geh!＞

  And I heard all the gods make surprised noises.

  ＜＜＜＜＜＜G-God of All Creation............＞＞＞＞＞＞

  W-What...!!!

  ◇　◇　◇　◇　◇

  ＜So? What are you all doing?＞

  In front of the highest-ranked god of all, the God of All Creation, the gods could only hem and haw.

  ＜Ninrir, you have to be the one to explain things here. You were the one who met the otherworlder boy first, after all.＞

  ＜Yeah, yeah!＞

  ＜......Ninrir is best.＞

  ＜You’re the one who found him first, right?＞

  ＜In these cases, the one who’s known him the longest has to speak.＞

  The other goddesses and the liquor-loving duo both pushed all responsibility onto Ninrir.

  Wow, that’s just heartless.

  ＜W-Why is it me that has to do it?! Why can’t it be one of you?!＞

  ＜What are you saying? You were the first one to give your blessing to the otherworlder boy, so you have to do it!＞

  That seemed to be Kisharle’s voice.

  ＜Hey, are you done figuring this out yet?＞

  ＜Sorry for making you wait. Ninrir will explain for the rest of us.＞

  ＜Grrrr... Kisharle... all of you... I’ll remember this,＞ I heard Ninrir speak grudgingly.

  ＜So Ninrir will be the one speaking? Well? Go on.＞ The Creator God’s voice mercilessly pressed her for an explanation.

  ＜No, uhh, you see............＞ Against her will, Ninrir started to recount what had happened with me up until this point.

  ＜So, if I’m hearing this correctly, Ninrir, you realized that an otherworlder summoned here through the ritual of hero summoning had a mysterious unique skill called ‘Online Supermarket,’ which is able to obtain food and other things from his world. So you gave him a blessing as an excuse for extorting him for things from the other world? Then, knowing this, Kisharle, Agni, Rusalka, Hephaestos, and Vahagn all joined in?＞

  All the things the Creator God was saying were completely true, and since none of them could deny it, they had no choice but to stay silent.

  ＜YOU IIIDIIIOOOOOOOOOOTS!!!!＞ His angry cry was loud enough to surprise me. The Creator God’s thunderous wrath struck the other gods.

  ＜You’re all gods, so what were you thinking, ganging up on one of the subjects you’re supposed to protect!!＞

  ＜N-No, we weren’t ganging up on him! No, wait, we really weren’t. We all properly gave him blessings, so......＞ Ninrir was completely freaked out and speaking with the Creator God without any sense of formality whatsoever.

  ＜Even though you granted him your blessing, the fact that you’re extorting offerings itself is wrong!! Have any of you asked for anything from the ones you’ve given blessings to up until now? Hm? How about it?＞

  ＜Ummm......＞

  ＜Th-That’s......＞

  ＜Uhhh......＞

  ＜............＞

  ＜N-No, you see......＞

  ＜No, uhhh......＞

  The Creator God only seemed more imposing by the minute, and the other gods couldn’t even get out a straight answer.

  ＜The fact that you won’t answer means that you haven’t, right? In the first place, blessings are something you give to those you recognize will better the world. You all should know that already.＞

  It seemed like the other gods couldn’t even respond to the Creator God’s point.

  This whole time I’d only been talking to them and hadn’t actually met any of them face-to-face, meaning I didn’t know how any of them looked, but I could just imagine them all simultaneously drooping their heads in shame.

  ＜Have goods from this other world really led you that far astray? Okay, I will see myself. Let me look.＞

  I heard some rustling noises. It seemed like the Creator God was looking through all the different things I’d sent over to them.

  ＜You... You all have been receiving things like this......? As a punishment, I will be confiscating all of it.＞

  ＜＜＜＜＜＜Noooo!＞＞＞＞＞＞

  Oh... Oh my. All of it, huh? They’ve all gotten completely addicted to this stuff, are they gonna be okay? I don’t think Ninrir can survive without cakes at this point. And Kisharle just got that night cream she was looking forward to, too. Even Agni told me she started drinking beer every night with her meals. Ruka always gives the weakest reactions, but she seemed really interested in that gift set of ham. As for the liquor-loving duo, I can’t even imagine them living without whiskey at this point.

  With that in mind, if all of it gets confiscated, even I’m starting to feel a little sorry for them. It’s true that it was a lot of bother to do it once a week, but the blessings and things they gave me did in fact help a lot. Especially when we went into dangerous dungeons and things. Since we’ve been involved all this time, I guess I should help them out a little.

  “E-Excuse me... God of All Creation, is it?” Fighting through my nervousness, I called out to the God of All Creation.

  ＜Ohh, so you’re the rumored otherworlder? I am the creator of this world. You may call me Demiurge. Sorry for causing you so much trouble.＞

  “My name is Mukohda. Pleased to speak to you. And it wasn’t that much trouble...... When I was first summoned to this world, I really was lost on what I should do, but I’ve met some nice people, and I’m living properly now.”

  Yes - now I have Fel, Dora-chan, and Sui too. I’ve met a lot of different people, and it’s been pretty fun. In any case, the whole reason I ended up here was because of the country of Reijseger, who did the hero summoning ceremony. So if there is anyone to blame, it would be that fucking shady-ass country.

  ＜The king pig, huh...... That country really never does anything decent, but the current king is even worse than usual.＞

  Oh... Right, everything I think is clear as day to the gods. Sorry for being so crass.

  ＜It’s not wrong to call him a king pig, since he only puts effort into growing his own profits and has fattened up because of it. You know, I too was thinking it was about time to do something about that country. Truthfully, gods shouldn’t be interfering too much with the lower world, but...... It’s just... You know that country’s trying to use the taboo hero summoning ritual once again?＞

  “What? They’re going to try again after us?”

  ＜Well, you see............＞

  After that, the God of All Creation told me all about that shady king pig, the country of Reijseger which he led, and the three high schooler heroes who had been summoned along with me.

  ＜You know that Reijseger is currently in a war, no?＞

  “Yes. It should be against the neighboring country of Marveil, if memory serves......”

  One of the reasons I had been in such a hurry to get out of that place was because it looked like they were about to start a war.

  ＜That’s right. And, they were planning on sending in those three heroes into the middle of the war.＞

  Wow...... Wait, no, that country just might do it. With their stats, if they just level up a little, they could probably clean up pretty handily on the battlefield.

  “So, what happened to the three of them?”

  They hadn’t been that nice to me, but we were all from Japan, so I was curious. If they really had been sent out to war......

  ＜They’re fine. They realized they were being deceived with filthy lies, so the three of them ran away.＞

  From what the Creator God said, the three of them had been assigned beautiful men and women as instructors, and as they had grown close, the teachers had tried to “gift” each of them with a magic tool called a “Dominance Bracelet” which would have turned them into something like slaves. And actually, one of them, the girl named Rio (the short cute one with the bob cut, if I’m remembering right), had been successfully fitted with one, causing things to seem pretty bad for
a while.

  But while they were out hunting monsters to level up, her left arm with the “Dominance Bracelet” on it had gotten cut off in battle...... Whether that was good luck or bad, it seemed to have brought that Rio girl back to her senses, and along with the other two who had already gleaned what was going on, she had managed to escape the kingdom of Reijseger.

  “So, where are they right now? Also, if that Rio girl lost her left arm......”

  From what I’d learned, even if they did flee, the surrounding countries weren’t all that great, either.

  ＜Don’t worry. Right now, the three of them are in Marveil. They became adventurers like you and formed a party together.＞

  Oh, is that so? I’m a little relieved. But, Marveil, huh? Isn’t that the country that’s right in the middle of a war with Reijseger? They have the title of “hero,” so I wonder if they won’t just be used by the nobles and royalty of Marveil instead?

  ＜In that respect, they’re fine for now. The royal palace knows of them, but hasn’t tried to make contact. Marveil is a powerful country in its own right, you know? It has lots of people who are much stronger than the three “heroes” right now, so they don’t really feel the need to talk with them. In fact, they actually feel it would be dangerous to do so — if they send the three heroes out to war now, there’s a danger of Reijseger accusing them of kidnapping or something.＞

  That makes sense. From what I’ve heard, they’re not above kidnapping or using magic tools for subjugation, so making accusations is certainly the kind of underhanded thing that kingdom would do. Man, they’re just the worst.

  ＜Indeed. It’s just as you think. After all, that kingdom has failed to realize their own merits and instead tries to increase their territory through underhanded means. It seems that they’ve done these kinds of things so many times that they’ve finally angered Marveil’s king, too.＞

  Apparently Marveil was pretty angry, and they were planning to completely destroy Reijseger through this war.

  ＜This time, the country of demonfolk is moving too.＞

  Oh yeah, both Marveil and Reijseger border the country of demonfolk.

  Marveil was basically treated as untouchable by the demonfolk territories, but it wasn’t as if they didn’t interact at all, so it seemed that the demonfolk were helping with Marveil’s plans to destroy Reijseger in the imminent war.

  Just neighboring that country brings no end of trouble, so of course the demonfolk would happily help, huh?

  ＜Even if I don’t help, Reijseger will probably be destroyed in the near future.＞

  Well, with that king, sure.

  “Ah, so, you said that the three of them were adventurers. So the girl who lost her left arm too...?”

  ＜Indeed. It seems that girl specializes in support magic, so even with one arm she’s doing pretty well for herself.＞

  I see, that’s good.

  ...Wait, no it’s not. There’s still the fact that a teenage girl lost an arm. It’d be nice if I could do something......

  I mean, I technically could. I do have Sui’s special elixir. But, to the kingdom of Marveil......? Hmm, what should I do.........?

  With Fel, it isn’t impossible to get there, but that country’s right between us... If I pass through with Fel, they’ll definitely try something. It’s a place that’s just nothing but trouble, so I don’t want to get anywhere near if I can avoid it... Hmm, if I just offer the item, is it possible to ask the God of All Creation to deliver it to them?

  ＜What, are you concerned about the girl who lost her arm?＞

  “Yes — they’re people from my homeland, after all. Also, while it’s different here, in my world they would still be considered children. Letting a child — especially a girl with a future ahead of her — be maimed would be......”

  ＜You really are too kind, aren’t you? Well, that is one of your good points. All right. I shall deliver that elixir for you.＞

  “Really?”

  ＜Don’t worry, doing this much is no problem at all, I say. However, just handing it to them will probably raise their suspicions. You know, it seems those three are about to get married, so they’re traveling to the church in Marveil’s capital. And it looks like they’re going to enter a nearby dungeon on the way, so let’s make it so they ‘luckily’ find an elixir.＞

  ...............Hm?

  “W-W-W-W-Wait a second. Did you just say, married?”

  ＜I did indeed: those three are getting married.＞

  ...............Married? The three of them?

  ＜Polygamy isn’t especially rare in this world, you know.＞

  ...............Polygamy. That pretty-boy high schooler... with two beautiful girls............

  ＜Overcoming harsh trials together brings men and women closer and fosters love. Oo-hoo-hoo-HOO!＞ the Creator God said, laughing.

  ...............WHAT THE HELL?!! Married? Huh?! I shouldn’t have sympathized! They’re totally fuckin’ happy!

  Ah, but I guess it’s still nice that Rio girl is gonna get healed. But also, I’ll never forgive that damn pretty-boy high schooler getting two cute girls! Fuuuucckkkk! Even though I can’t get a girl myself!! I mean, that pretty-boy needs to go explode!!!

  ...............

  ............

  ......

  ＜......Have you calmed down?＞

  “Sorry for getting worked up.”

  I mean, they’re getting married...... Well, it’s true that they went through a lot, so it’s not strange that they got a lot closer, but they’re all high schoolers, you know? It’s way too early to get married in your teens, right?

  ......Ah, but if I think about it, in this world lots of people are already married at their age. So I guess it’s not that weird? Huh? But that would mean I’m............

  Aghh! No, I have to stop. The more I, as a single man, think about it, the sadder I’ll get. It seems like they’re doing well for themselves, so I don’t need to worry about them. So, let’s just let this be.

  It might have been too late now, but there was something I needed to ask the God of All Creation.

  “God of All Creation, is it possible for me to, you know... return to my world......?”

  ＜Nope.＞

  Yep, that was immediate. Thought so. He said the hero summoning ritual was a taboo, so I expected reversing it to be impossible.

  ＜Indeed. In the first place, the hero summoning ritual is an act that simply opens up a hole in dimensions, after all. And sending someone back would be the same: the ritual itself is a most dangerous thing to try in the first place. This time, the hole was small, so it closed by itself, but if it hadn’t, and if, instead, it had expanded, this world — and of course, your world that was connected to it — would have been destroyed.＞

  The end of the world?! But, couldn’t the gods do something about it?

  ＜Don’t be foolish. It’s not like we can do anything just because we’re gods. When a hole between dimensions expands, it does so all at once. It’d be a dimensional collapse. If that were to happen, no god would be able to do anything about it.＞

  Ohhh... So it was that dangerous... Thank goodness neither world was destroyed.

  Hearing that Reijseger was slated for destruction did put me at ease though.

  Well, that’s probably the fate of that king pig eventually. It just goes to show, not all those who have power can actually wield it.

  ＜Was there anything else you wanted to ask of me?＞

  “No, I’m fine. I heard everything I wanted to hear.”

  ＜If that’s the case... Now, what should I do about these idiots......＞

  Oh yeah, the other gods are still there.

  We had digressed from the subject, but earlier the Creator God had gotten mad at the others and was going to take away all their offerings, so they were sounding really downtrodden. I felt that that was about enough.

  Speaking for myself, they gave me blessings, which allowed me to ignore status effects. That was really helpful. Fel and the others were already strong, and with the new blessings they got even stronger. It was true that having to offer things once a week was a lot of hassle, but as long as they didn’t ask for anything too far-fetched, I was more or less okay with it.

  As I was thinking that, the God of All Creation’s voice resounded in my head: ＜Naive.＞

  ＜You’re too naive. Naive as a newborn babe. Not only did they fail to report to me, the god that should know of this first, but they ganged up on you and hounded you for things. There needs to be an appropriate punishment.＞